Im starting this life on the West Coast see..
don’t want to jump out of my skin anymore. i experience more peace on a regular basis. there are tiny lines around my eyes and mouth from smiling.
i have grown comfortable being embarassed. i try to do it daily. i do yoga. sometimes i put my hands in the grass even when its wet. i read. i meditate. i laugh…a lot with people i dont always know that well. i don’t look away when someone is looking in my eyes. i confess. i still go go go until im bone tired but it doesn’t bother me as much. it feels as if im moving slower in time. like i can touch the tangibility of the moment and have an awareness of how
precious every second is. every detail. i feel how shallow my breath can be. sometimes i stop breathing right before i go to sleep and it wakes me up. reminds me that im alive. that i get to inhale and exhale and its not me that is making me do it. but if i want to be aware of it..play with it ..speed it up….or go deeper…i can. because its my breath. but yet it doesn’t come from me.
the number looks strange to me…foreign…like something i don’t know yet. confusing almost. 28 was solid. 27 was sexy. 29 seems like something else entirely. closer to myself it feels like…
strogner..more like water.a movement with some force behind it like the tide.
my apartment is an easter egg.
quick bit about me and my 20’s
i am an actress.
i am an actress with every fiber of my being.
i appreciate life so much, sometimes i am scared to touch it.
in the past four years, I have lived in in seven differnt apartments/houses and three different states.
i adopted a dog.
i have had the same wonderful boyfriend
i have followed my heart and dreams to the point of having seven dollars in my bank account.
I have left close friends from childhood and college years.
These days are strange to me…im not always sure what I should be doing…
I wish I had a map…wish I could wrap every day up like a package.
But I cant.
and i have a strong feeling I will never be able to.
my life is scattered like my writing and my style.
maybe someday it will straighten up and there will be some pattern or constant theme pounding through, but for now…
i take each day as it comes…
wide eyed, or pessimistic.
i feel like I am carving my way as a person and an artist.
I pick up bits and peices as I go, but I am still myself and will always be.
I love my family, I have an eternal empathy for everything…i was just born that way.
I love my boy. I love my mom, I love my dog.
i am eternally greatful for my brother’s life.
and I will continue to grow.
dinner with jon.
in the heights.
coffee with steve!!! to discuss his recent Europe excursion.
ben and jerry’s fro yo at 12:45 am def. fallen off the wagon.
its okay because im playing kelly kapowski tomorrow night in saved by the bell the MUSICAL. oh thats right.
AND i just got my Zach a job at Craft with me.
my life couldn’t be any more random.